FIRST POST: the beginning

Saved from Notes App. Written on a plane ride from Alabama to Los Angeles 3 days before lockdown. March 2020.


I’m obsessed with the song Learn Ya by 6LACK. Like, I would very much like to be learned something, by someone. 

No, there isn’t a lot you can do about someone’s misuse of ‘your’… or really anything, for that matter. 

I got my whole family saying “oh heeeell yeah” in just under 3 days. 

At first I just wanted to sing the chorus of an Eagles song for the bride, but then I got pressured into singing that one fucking Train song, too. 

In NY my look was often referred to as “sexy librarian”, but in LA it’s more become “goth ski instructor tries colors one at a time”. 

“The worst is explaining a joke. No, wait, the only thing worse than explaining a joke is explaining a bad joke. So let’s just move on.”

“If you were gonna do that, don’t.”

“Hey you. Not you. You.” 

“Same, too, though!”

Quietly delighting in the fact that the intro to this story was written on a charter flight from Mobile to DFW. *shrug emoji*

Reformatting my inner monologue to flow in a series of quotable non-sequiturs.

My favorite guest at the wedding is always, hands down, the molecular biologist. 

It’s, like, a lot of work, caring - just, in general. 

31 in 2020, pre-all of this: aggressively mentally actualizing settling down while actually doing absolutely nothing to “settle down”. 

If I ask you to take me to dinner, please do it. But like, not now. Definitely later though, for sure. 

My last ex looked like Zayn and it stresses me out. That’s all anyone needs to know. 

I asked my sister if I should do a sexy mullet. She told me to “send it”. I didn’t do it because I honestly don’t know what that means. 

“Gtfo dot com is how much?”

I once owned - I didn’t renew it and now it’s like $12,000.00. Facts. 

I was once bummed that one specific person unfollowed me [I thought] because I went to a not Ivy League school. 

“But no, like, what would you REALLY think of me if I decided to actually capitalize on my ‘aesthetic value’ via the internet?”

I’m better off social media - person to person; via text. 

DM’s are for people who haven’t already slept together.” -not me, but to me, and also, v true.

“I’m only attracted to him because he rides the same bike my dad rode when he was his age. And he has a clear understanding of auto mechanics.”

I really am my father’s son, but, like, if he were a girl, or whatever. 

I mean, you probably should just ask me anything. 

“He said he lives so close he could throw a pizza at my house, but he wouldn’t tell me from which direction. I’m guessing North.”

I’ve seen the clock at 6:14pm every single day for the last month and I feel the opposite of indifferent about it. 

My former partner non-maliciously cancelled me per his girlfriend’s “request”. And that’s the only thing I’ve truly been mad about so far this year. 

Can I just announce that I am of Spanish decent? Like, FYI

Flying “home to LA” feels surreal and honestly really nice. In spite of everything, and really, anything. 

“I don’t not want to be married by 33. I’m also obsessed with numbers that are divisible by 11, but everyone knows that.”

There are certain things in LA sex shops you cannot ask for by name - if you do, they won’t sell them to you. HMU - I’ll tell you what they are. 

In your 30’s, U up-ing can be a nice thing, between close friends. Is anyone else single still? 

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